Intentional Stillness

 I am a person that always has to have something going on around me. I like to be on the move. I like to be active. I like noise around me. I like being busy and am always very happy when I am able to multi-task. When I am cleaning (which is rare), I have on music. When I am in the living room, I have on the tv. When I watch a movie, I also have out my computer. I don't do well with quiet and stillness.
 This became apparent to me when I was in college. My junior year I was an RA in the dorms. As part of our two week training for the year, we had to do a 24 hour solo in the woods. The whole purpose was to emphasize that our in the midst of the upcoming crazy, chaotic and fun year we were about to have, our  priority was still needed to be spending intentional quiet time with God.
 We were given/allowed to take four pieces of string, a tarp, a Bible and journal, sleeping bag, a bottle of water and toilet paper. We were encouraged to spend the day fasting, reading our Bibles, journaling, praying and setting up "camp" for the night. We were spread out in the woods, far enough away from each other that we couldn't see each other, but close enough that we could yell if we needed help. The resident directors dropped us off and told us they would pick us up again in 24 hours.
 I started off the day by reading my Bible and journaling for a little while, but then I decided to take a nap. I woke up and read and journaled a little more, but then I got bored, so I took another nap. I woke up and decided to work on my "tent", but really had no idea what I was doing. I kind of tied it to the tree and draped the other end over a stick. It was really pretty high and protected me from nothing. After this exhausting work, I took yet another nap.

My tent was the one on the top left- notice how much better the other RA's did with theirs.

 I woke up again and it was getting dark. I realized I had spent most of the day sleeping. It began to get darker and darker and I heard more and more noises around me.  I was trying to stay calm and I tried to sleep, but I had slept so much all day, that my body just couldn't sleep anymore. In the middle of the night, I heard someone shriek bloody murder. I called out to see if she was okay, but never got a response. This is when I really began to freak out. (The next day I found out she was dreaming, but all night I was frightened and scared.)
 Then it began to rain. And it rained and it rained and it rained. As you can see from my great camping skills, my tent was going to do nothing to stop me from getting wet. I was drenched from head to toe and freezing my butt off. I just laid there in the dark- very wet, scared and not at all refreshed from this wonderful 24 hour solo I just spent with God- might of had something to do with how much time I spent sleeping during the day.
 I realized then spending time in solitude was an area that I needed to grow. It still is an area that I need growth in. And so, I look forward to the start of the New Year that is just around the corner. I look forward to it because it is a time of fresh starts and chance to make New Year's resolutions. And, this year my resolution is to spend intentional, quiet time in prayer, reading and reflection. And I look forward to the growth that will take place as I become more and more aware of my need for intentional stillness in the presence of God.

College Memories

 Tonight some college girls from our youth group are coming over to have pizza and catch up before they all head back to their different schools again. I love hanging out with these girls because a) they are lots of fun and b) it helps me reminisce of when I was in college. College was one of my favorite times- I always joke that I should have stretched it out to five years to make it last a little longer. I made many great friends and great memories while I was in college. Here are just a few of my favorite:

*Road Trips- I took lots of road trips in college- to Kansas City, to Cali and back to Iowa, to Alabama and many other locations with the softball team. However, there is one in particular that stands out to me. Jen, Jess and I were just getting back from a softball trip. We thought it would be fun to go on a spontaneous road trip. So, we all ran to our rooms and had 5 minutes to grab what we thought we would need. We got in Jess's little truck and decided that we would go to the Black Hills to see Mount Rushmore. We told no one where we were going and took no cell phone. This made it seem more adventurous, but looking back, that part was just dumb.
 We stopped at a hotel on the way and went for a little swim and dip in the hot tub. We arrived in the middle of the night and stayed with a random high school friend of Jen's. In the morning, we headed over to Mount Rushmore, sang a few patriotic songs, said the pledge of allegiance, bought t-shirts and headed back home. On the way home we found some face paint in the glove box and decided it would be a great idea to paint our faces. We were home in less than 24 hours, with many new memories made and jokes to laugh at.

* Date Nights with Bryan- We had so much fun on our weekly date night doing silly things like making forts, dressing up for  a candle-lit dinner at McDonalds, hanging out on the roof of a house neither of us lived in, staying up late, mud-sliding, going to "The Max" on a "Saved by the Bell" themed date-night and much more. Ah- young love. I look back and smile when I think of all the sweet things Bryan would do because he knew it made me happy.

* Adventures with Bad A** Chass- My friend Chass decided to transfer after Christmas during our sophomore year. So, we decided we must live it up until that day with all sorts of adventures. For us that meant things like: couch day- we didn't leave the couch for a straight 12 hours (ambitious, I know), dying our hair a beautiful shade of gothic red-brown, making t-shirts to wear for the whole week of finals, pulling an all-nighter and best of all, running to Sioux Center. This was about a 12 mile run, for which we had not trained. It was the coldest day of the year up to that point. We had been told that you actually stayed warmer if you wore less layers. We quickly found that piece of advice to be untrue. By the time we got to Sioux Center, our face was numb, we couldn't move our fingers or toes and we were not saying the nicest things anymore. Did we know how to have fun, or what?

* Playing Pranks- This is something that I got such joy out of doing. Some of my personal favorites were switching all the name tags in North Hall, turning everything upside down in a friend's dorm room, switching two rooms and setting them up so they looked exactly the same, sticking nasty hairballs to light switches and door handles, hiding big undies and other random items in people's bed and newspapering friend's doors at night while they were sleeping. Who doesn't love a good prank?

* Playing Softball- going to Nationals, road trips, making good friends, pitching in close games, clashing clothes and color days for practice,  playing in Florida, scooping snow off the field to get ready for upcoming games, pushing each other, encouraging each other, competing against each other, competing together. There are so many memories and things that I have learned from my four years of playing softball at NWC.

*Everyday Dorm Life- getting ready together for the "Rockin' Block Party", chatting in the hallways late at night, watching movies on the "big screen" in my room, going blotting, playing games, letting my roomie cut my hair in layers...and needing a new cut the next week to fix my "layers" (thanks Erin!), study break, Night out at North, wing dinners, going to the Ranch for pizza and much more. There will never be a time in my life where I will again be able to live my everyday life in the close knit community that is a dorm.

I could go on and on about memories made in college. It was a time of laughter, growth and new friends. As I think about visiting tonight with youth group girls, I look forward to hearing about the new memories and friendships that they are making at this important time in their life.

Favorite Christmas Memories

Last night my immediate family got together for a night of food, fellowship and presents. It was such a fun night with my family. It was even better to have Cami there, adding to the joy of the night. As I got home and was putting things away, I started thinking about Christmas's past and some of my favorite memories:

* Every year when we were growing up, we would get a "bigger" present and my dad would make sure to video tape us while we opened these gifts. As a family of sports nuts, he would "announce" the present opening in an intense sportscaster voice as if he was an announcer at a major sporting event. Instead of just turning off the video camera when the present was open, he would always say something like, "Well that's it for now at the Halma's. Let's go check in with the Johnson's on Killdee Street to see what's going on there" and then fade out. Maybe this is where Rob received all the training needed to announce the Valley Christian Crusader basketball games. :)

* Each year we are told that this is really the year that my parents have decided to "cut back" in the gift department. However, from Thanksgiving to Christmas Eve you can often find my mom out shopping and looking for the perfect gifts to give each of us. So, when we get to mom and dad's to open gifts there are piles and piles of presents under the tree. My dad will lovingly look at my mom and sarcastically say,"See! We really decided to cut back this year!" as my mom protests how she really did in fact cut back in the gift department.

* One year Erin was ripping through the paper, so excited to be opening a present. As she pulled out a new nintendo game, the most befuddled look came across her face as she read the cover and said "Tecmo-Super Bowl?" (A football nintendo game) Meanwhile, Rob was sitting on the couch pouting and looking really upset that Erin had gotten the game that he had wanted so badly. Turned out, it was his after all and mistagged. Crisis averted. :)

* Sleeping in my room with my brother and sister every Christmas Eve. Staying up late talking and laughing because we were so excited. Lining up at the door at 6:55 to start the count-down until we were allowed to wake mom and dad up at 7.

* Taking a number of embarrassing photos posing with our new matching gifts- like the year we all got leather jackets!

In fact, we just got a new one we can add to this last night- all the boys with their matching head-lamps on! :)

* Giving my siblings and parents their awesome gifts I had picked out for them at the elementary school Christmas boutique- usually ranging in price from $1.50-$2.00 a piece.

* Seeing Rob get very excited about his new Gloria Estefan cd!

 As I think about Cami and her future siblings, I hope these are the kind of memories that she will have too. Memories of fun, laughter and silliness with her family to celebrate the joy there is in Christmas.

Taking Time to Ponder

  On Friday as I was reading Luke 2 to my students for devotions, verse 19 really stood out to me. It says, "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Mary knew that in the midst of all the chaos around her, something beautiful and amazing was happening.  Mary realized she had been a part of something great, something so great that she would treasure it and remember it for the rest of her life.

  Recently I have tried to be intentional about taking time to "treasure" and "ponder" the special moments that happen in my life. I have been learning to cherish this time in my life and store it in my heart to ponder in the years to come.

Here are just a few of the recent memories I have tried to take mental pictures of to tuck away for later:

* Singing and dancing with Cami in the kitchen as the Christmas music is blaring.

* Feeling the energy and excitement buzz in my yearbook class as they came up with a new idea for a 2-page spread.

* Having coffee with girls in my youth group and listening to them talk about their latest boy drama.

* Seeing Bryan pick out matching bows and socks for Cami's outfits.

* Eating pizookie with friends as we talk about nothing and laugh about little things going on in life.

* Hearing my dad call Cami "The Camster" (in a high pitched voice) and watching both their faces light up when he comes in the room.

* Going for a walk with a friend as we compare notes on babies and being new moms.

* Being surprised with pizza and pranks by my fourth period class.

* Hearing my parents say they are "Cutting Back" on Christmas presents each year, but finding my mom shopping every time I call to say hello during the Christmas season.

* Enjoying a come-from-behind basketball win for the Crusaders.

* Staying home on rainy nights with Cami and Bryan.

  So as I go about my daily life, I am reminding myself to take a step back to "treasure" and "ponder" these new memories that are being made. Time moves quickly and things are always changing. Things won't be like this forever.
  As Mark Twain says, " What is a human life? The first third is having a good time; the rest remembering about it."

Nerd Alert

I am a nerd. I have always known this, but it was again revealed to me as I started thinking about my newest obsession: Jeopardy. I watch it every night and have it set to DVR for nights that I can’t. I get really excited when it starts getting dark outside because I know jeopardy is just a few short hours away. I have gone on the Jeopardy website to learn more about the contestants for the week. I get mad at Bryan if he talks while I am watching and I have even begun to keep my own score as I watch the show. Nerd.

As I started thinking about this obsession, I realized that being a nerd should not be a surprise to me. There have been many signs pointing to this fate for some time now. Cases in point:

• In third grade my friends and I thought it was really fun to sit against the classroom wall at recess and…read. I was infatuated with reading- at that time I was particularly into “The Babysitters Club” series. I kept a flashlight under my bed so I could read late at night. My favorite days in the summer were when I would ride my bike to the library and max out my library card with 21 new books. Then I would go home and lay them all out on the floor and pick out what order I was going to read them in. Exciting stuff, I tell ya.

• Another sign of my nerdiness was how pumped I was about getting new school supplies. I could not wait until the end of August to go to Target and pick out my new Lisa Frank trapper keeper, folders and pencils. I would walk up and down the aisle just agonizing over which unicorn folder I should get and whether I wanted the trapper keeper with the dolphins on the cover or the one with the giant teddy bear. After all, these were going to be my folders for a whole school year.

• Middle school was a time when my nerdiness came to an all-time high. I had made the all-star team for softball the summer before seventh grade. As an all-star, we all received these awesome bright red jackets. I was so proud of that jacket- I wore it every day that it was even remotely cold out; not caring at all how badly it clashed with my sweet hunter-green jeans.

• I ran cross country. For four years. Not necessarily the “coolest” sport to be a part of in high school.

• I love to craft it up. Get out a hot glue gun, and I get excited. I always looked forward to Calvinettes and couldn’t wait to see the craft we were going to create. Was it going to be a new hair clip out of leather and beads or a t-shirt decorated with puffy paint and iron-on’s? I am still excited when an opportunity to tie-dye or decoupage something presents itself. To quote my sister-in-law, “Crafts are my life.”

As I think back on these memories and the flood of many more, I smile. These are the things that I have loved to do and that have brought me great joy. These are the memories that I cherish because they bring me many smiles. So, I am choosing to embrace my inner nerd and continue to do the things I love- nerdy or not. So- won’t you join me by embracing yours so I don’t feel like such a nerd? 

Lessons Learned: Love

These past five months have flown by. Being a mother has brought me an incredible amount of joy and happiness. As I continue to grow in this role of a mother, I continue to be shaped and molded by God as I learn new lessons. One of things I have learned about is love. Being a mom has changed my perspective and given me new insights and understandings about love. While these things may be obvious to you, they have really impacted me. Here are a few things I have learned about love:

 "How Great the Father's Love for Us"- I love Cami Joy with all of my heart. I would do anything for her. It doesn't matter what she will ever say or do, I will always love her. I love her when I am cleaning up her messiest diaper or when she is crying in the middle of the night and all I want to do is sleep. This love that I feel for her is overwhelming and amazing. And it has given me a better glimpse of the love that Christ has for me. He loves me even more than I could ever love Cami. He loves me in spite of my flaws and weaknesses. While I have always known that I am loved by my Savior, it is only now that I am beginning to understand the depth of the love he has for me. And I am humbled by how much he really loves me.

"All You Need is Love" - I have also learned how to better love my students. Being a new mom has changed my perspective as a teacher. I have started to see each student as someone's son or daughter. And this helps me to remember just how precious they are. I know how much Bryan and I love Cami. Bryan and I joke about how no one ever better hurt Cami or they will have to deal with us. My students have parents that feel the same way about them that I feel about Cami. While I realize that I should have felt this way about my students before, I can't say I always did. So, when that student is interrupting my exciting lesson about the periodic table to ask to talk about something not even remotely related to science, I remind myself they are someone's son or daughter. When I am trying to get to the lounge at break to have a minute to myself but a students stops me to tell me all about their new pet hamster, I remember that they are precious.

"Love is a Verb"- I remember thinking DC Talk was so cool when I was in middle school. One song I remember listening to often was "Love is a Verb." While the song may not be so cool anymore, the lyrics are still so relevant in my life. This is something that I am constantly reminded of as a parent. As new parents, Bryan and I fight over silly things like who gets to give Cami her bath or who gets to hold her first in the morning.  We are looking for little things we can do to show her how much we love her. We don't even mind doing things like changing her diaper, having our house overtaken by baby paraphernalia or listening to songs about the colors "red, yellow and bluuuueeee" because these are ways we put our love into action. We show her our love by taking care of her. I've been reminded that I need incorporate this to all areas of my life. If I want others to know that I love them, I need to show them through my actions and reactions. Like DC Talk says, "And yo, that's when it hit me, that luv is a verb."